i wanna learn forreal this time what it means for your grace to be sufficient for me... to stop needing other people and other things to give me security or to make me feel loved or to bring me joy or peace or comfort... i wanna learn to need you and only you... that means not only realizing that you're the only one that i need but also recognizing more and more how much i really do NEED you... it's not optional or suggested or preferred.

and all this isn't to say that everything else all of a sudden becomes meaningless but they need to be peripheral... THEY can become preferences rather than needs... the rest of this stuff is the optional part... bonuses on the side... but i gotta make sure i keep the main thing the main thing.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

revelation 2:3-5

but i'm trying...